At Least Her Friends Didn’t Write “Kick Me” on Her Back
Yesterdays post brought out quite a few Starbucks defenders. Let me be clear. I enjoy starbucks coffee. I make our Crew stop two or three times a day on tour at Starbucks, or Peets or Caribou. And in editing yesterdays post i made it less than clear i was talking about new albums or recordings. If you are selling your new album or recording through starbucks it usually sucks. Old stuff at least 20 or 30 years old tend to be a little better. i bought the Beatles re-issues there and i also have a great english/mod compilation from Starbucks. But this only re-enforces my point. After 20 or 30 years the edginess of something has worn off. . Our cultural anti-bodies have come out and neutralized the threat. Even starbucks or at least Espresso “sold out”. I remember when we used to tour in the 80′s CVB had to plan where to stop to get a latte. Going from DC to Nashville I-81 to I-40, We knew there was little place in Harrisonburg VA off hte square, next there was a place in Roanoke by the old market., but you had to wait till you got to the joint across from UT in Knoxville after that. And that was a long 4 1/2 hours. Even in the early 90′s when Mark Linkous was crackers roadie, He would care a little suitcase with an espresso machine inside of it. he’d set it up in the venue, hotel even at a rest stop in Nebraska once. A large thunderstorm that looked suspiciously like a tornado was bearing down on us, but we had to have our espresso.
17 Oath of the CVB (Hippy Chix)
Moving along. Our protagonist has now successfully contacted the CVB. He is whisked away to Santa Cruz to be indoctrinated and screened by the CVB. He meets Field Marshall Nine Mile Beach at Artisans Christmas annex on the pacific garden mall in Santa Cruz. As it turns out Field Marshall Nine Mile beach is really just a Hologram. ”they’ve got this Alien technology he’s just a hologram”. For his own safety he is being projected into the room for the meeting.
Field Marshall Nine Mile Beach? Well all the officers in The CVB use the names of famous Surfing spots on the California Coast. Sometimes they are Surfing spots from parallel universes. Something to do with the quantum encryption scheme mentioned in part 3.
The highest ranking member of the CVB he meets in person here is Major Dogpatch San Onofre. And he is pretty distracted trying to chat up the sales girls.
Regardless our protagonist takes the Oath of the CVB:
I would fight for hippy chix,
I would die for hippy chix,
I might stop and surf a bit but i would die for hippy chix,
I might stop and skate a bit, but i would die for hippy chix
Extraterrestrials Love the Knuckleball
After this he is lead into the basement where he meets a trio of Grey Aliens. The three aliens inexplicably go by the names Hoyt Wilhelm, Vida Blue and Catfish Hunter. In their short time on Earth the Greys have become fascinated with baseball. They love it so much they’ll even listen to recorded broadcasts from the 1950s. Since their real names are not pronounceable by humans, they all adopt english names. Baseball pitchers are a favorite choice.
INTRO]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] I see a winter scene in-[A7]-side a tiny plastic[E7] globe[A7]
[E7] Old European castles,[A7] a sinister Santa[E7] Claus
[C] The salesgirl’s really hot,[D] but I can’t talk to her right[E7] now.
[C] I’ve come to meet Field Marshall[D] 9-Mile Beach from the C. V.[E7] B.
CHORUS:
[E7] I would die for[G] hippy chicks
[C] I would die for[A] hippy chicks[D]
I would fight for hippy chicks
I would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and surf a bit
But I would fight for hippy chicks
We might stop and skate a bit
But I would die for hippy chicks
9-Mile Beach he’s so crunchy wearing skater’s knitted caps
He takes my oath but doesn’t even seem to smile or laugh
They’ve got this alien technology he’s just a holograph
Projected next to me while TBI aims at my traitor ass
CHORUS 2:
We would fight for hippy chicks
We would die for hippy chicks
We would fight for hippy chicks
We would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and surf a bit
But we would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and skate a bit
But we would die for hippy chicks
They bring the greys into the room, man I say this just ain’t for real, ah
True Christian Church of Texas teaches aliens are the devil (ha ha ha ha ha ha)
The greys they tell a different story of humanity upon the brink
Of ecological disaster they have come to save our ass-es
[BREAK:]
[B] [C] [G] [B] [C]
[B] [C] [G] [B] [C] [D]
REPEAT CHORUS 2
[E]
a
I had no idea the corporate management of Ben Franklin Crafts stores were such radicals.
This song originally came from a solo album by Jonathan Segel Edgy Not Antsy. So yet another song that was sort of finessed into the concept after the fact. The lyrics explain the plot points well enough. The protagonist is grappling with the consequences of his betrayal of Texas. This end has one of my favorite Camper Van Beethoven Guitar Solos.
Originally released on Jonathan Segel’s solo album “Edgy Not Antsy”. Vocal track changed to David Lowery, and additional guitar overdubbed.
[INTRO/BREAK:]
[C] [G] [Bm]
[C] [G] [Bm]
[REPEAT BREAK]
[C] When they[G] come to your[Bm] home
[C] You know they’ll[G] never leave you a-[Bm]-lone
[C] You know[G] your on their[Bm] list
[C] I guess you[G] weren’t the one they[Bm] missed
[REPEAT BREAK]
Have you been doing something wrong?
Well I guess you’ve known that all along
So when they come to take you away
Are you gonna go with them on that day?
CHORUS:
[G] Will you[D] know what to do?
[G] Will you[D] know what to do?
[G] Will you[D] do it?
[G] Will you[D] do what you know how to do?
[REPEAT BREAK]
When they come into your house
Are you gonna hide like a, like a little mouse
You know you’re in their file
But I guess you’ve known that for a while
[REPEAT BREAK]
There’s no room for folks like you
What can you say, what can you do?
So when they come to take you away
Are you gonna go with them on that day?
REPEAT CHORUS
[REPEAT BREAK x many]
REPEAT CHORUS
[REPEAT BREAK]
It’s an instrumental so it’s about whatever we say it’s about. Right? The idea here is that after several years of being a double/triple agent our protagonist is at a CVB retreat. It’s a kind of a strategy session mixed with a party. This is the end of the story. The party ends with an explosion. A suicide bomber has infiltrated the CVB.
The video is Camper Van Beethoven’s Manager Velena Vego (and my Girlfriend) dancing to the song. Anyone been to the old Luna Lounge on ludlow in manhattan? This is simply the camera feed of the stage that is shown in the bar. We put the song on the PA and Velena got on the stage and danced to the song. I play the creepy guy that comes to the front of the stage and watches her dance. Minimalist music video. Nothing happens for almost 2 minutes.
Post Script. After the explosion. The scene is in a TexIntelSecuriCorp conference room. An unnamed operative with aviator sunglasses and terrible mustache puts a disc into a video player. Several executives and a Northern Californian Army officer are gathered around a table.. It’s the suicide bombers tape. He is saying his farewells and stating the purpose of his mission Behind him is the yellow banner of a breakaway extremist mormon sect. Also next to the banner is a picture of the sects prophet Ezekial Weiland. The implication is that TexIntelSecuriCorp has manipulated this young man into becoming a suicide bomber. The song is from the suicide bombers perspective. The second implication is that the Northern California Government has sold out the CVB. The CVB had become too radical and anti-authoritarian for the power brokers in Sacramento.
I told you this wasn’t a happy ending.
Finally, I hope none of our mormon friends and fans were offended by this last part. I grew up in the Inland Empire with many mormons. I was in a mormon boy scout troop. My wildest friends in high school were mormon kids gone feral. Perfectly normal people. Every religion and sect has it’s weirdos and extremists. The reason that Mormonism is played up in this story is simply because of the land. Most of the story takes place in Deseret. Everyone knows the Spanish, Mexican and American contributions to the development of the Southwest, but the Mormon settlers also had a great and largely unheralded role. They bravely settled some of the harshest most remote terrain in the West. In this story, (however backhanded) I tried to give them their due.
CHORUS:
Hey[G] brother, we’re on our[C] way
Hey[Am] sister,[C] we’re on our[G] way
Hey brother, don’t be afraid
Hey sister, we’re on our way
Cos if we[D] stay true to our course
And have[Em] faith, keep out of[C] court
We shall be re-[G]-warded[C] very[G] soon
For when we spite them with our swords
In the name of our just lord
We do bring glory a-to his name
REPEAT CHORUS
Cos from this fire I am reborn
Like the phoenix of ancient Rome
I will be cleansed of all my sins
And on a spiral I will rise
As the flames reach to the sky
To sit forever, on the right hand of the lord.
REPEAT CHORUS
Finally when we debuted songs from this album at SXSW in Austin Texas we covered La Zona Rosa with these Wanted Posters of the Members of Camper Van Beethoven. Enjoy!
